On strengths and weaknesses.

Since 2010, I have dabbled in various aspects of computer technology; I built PCs from scratch, engrossed myself in the basics web dev files, or deployed small Raspberry Pi servers for storage or computation. It was always a wonder why I couldn't tie these features together: I could understand the 101 of programming, of hardware and software architectures, and dealing with the funnels and tunnels of internet-based applications, but I did not know how to make a program, a self-contained block of code that could do something unique for myself. I was a scriptmonkey, which had its own delights and challenges, but nothing compared to the rigors of creating an application.

Over and over again I would start the education process over again, attempting to seek the one key that would "tie it all together", but it never clicked. What was missing?

Rigor had much to do with the issue. I am one that loved to learn, to bask in theory and implement architecture as thought — but not as product. The dirty little details of gluing together several useful scripts together escaped me not because I wasn't being taught the process, but because my personality simply didn't warrant my mind the allocation of resources to think about it. So I hovered in the high-levels, of REST architectures and JavaScript 101s and articles about the differences between new and old languages. The discovery and wonder never ceased — I am an ignorant fool with just enough knowledge to be impressed but never involved.

The services I have provided to clients reflect these subconscious values. My output has been guidance at strategic or tactical levels, but the technical always fell short. I was a glue between directors and programmers, but not between program modules. Is this a curse or the benefit of specialization? I hate not getting every iota of knowledge out of the topics I love, growing up believing that love was complete understanding — feeling out problems on an empathetic level, not just sympathetic.

The question I have for the future: embrace my weakness, grow stronger in what has benefitted from focus, or pinpoint these issues and direct my energies on mitigating my shortcomings?