Since 2010, I have dabbled in various aspects of computer technology; I built PCs from scratch, engrossed myself in the basics web dev files, or deployed small Raspberry Pi servers for storage or computation. It was always a wonder why I couldn't tie these features together: I could understand the 101 of programming, of hardware and software architectures, and dealing with the funnels and tunnels of internet-based applications, but I did not know how to make a program, a self-contained block of code that could do something unique for myself. I was a scriptmonkey, which had its own delights and challenges, but nothing compared to the rigors of creating an application.
Over and over again I would start the education process over again, attempting to seek the one key that would "tie it all together", but it never clicked. What was missing?
The services I have provided to clients reflect these subconscious values. My output has been guidance at strategic or tactical levels, but the technical always fell short. I was a glue between directors and programmers, but not between program modules. Is this a curse or the benefit of specialization? I hate not getting every iota of knowledge out of the topics I love, growing up believing that love was complete understanding — feeling out problems on an empathetic level, not just sympathetic.
The question I have for the future: embrace my weakness, grow stronger in what has benefitted from focus, or pinpoint these issues and direct my energies on mitigating my shortcomings?